“mar”ri”age”????

Ah! So here comes the news thundering  upon my room: My room mate is getting married……

I looked up shocked … and disappointed ( I was sincerely hoping she would go on some outstation audit and give the rest of us some space in the room!!).. Recovering from the initial paralysis, I asked her the reason. What i heard was more ridiculous than all the ‘Breaking News concerning Sreesanth’ that is being thrust upon us every single minute,put together. Here it goes: Her elder brother is 28 and he wants to get married within this year and so she has to get married immediately or at least ( as if doing a great favour) a little before this year end.For the record, the girl under question is just 21 years old and yet to complete anything significant academically.

This has pushed me into some serious thinking..

Random thoughts fill up my mind ,”what could be the possible reasons for this action by her family?”, ” Is it okay for the people to just follow the old customs and beliefs without giving a thought about the social situation and the base on which they were formed?” etc….

I really couldn’t help but wonder if what her parents are doing is correct … ( generally , I would be convinced(though not immediately) that whatever parents do, it will be for the betterment and well-being of the offspring. 

  1. I found the reason cited by the girl to be absurd. For one, I do not support the view that girls should be married off first before her sibling(elder brother) gets married. Does it apply even if there if there is a good age difference, of more than say seven years, between the two? Or is it to shut the mouths of the So-called society that never misses an opportunity to criticise others for their ways than to look at what they really are? If it is the former reason, then it is nothing less than selfishness on the part of the brother.Just because he has enjoyed his ‘Just-after adolescence’ years well, he has now claimed the right to deny that to his sister, This is a kind of male chauvinism that is probably exclusive to India. If the reason is to shut the ever open mouths of the society, then pardon me for saying, “people, please !!”(with complete exasperation). This would lead me to go into the issue of why we live… Is it for ourselves?? or for the society?? 
  2. Marrying early avoids the cases of Pre-marital sex: Really??? So, am I supposed to infer that marriage is a license for sex? Or that marriage legalises sex?.Supporting early marriage for this reason would imply the uncontrollable carnal desires of one or both the parties involved . This can be cured , not by marriage , but by proper counselling. 
  3. Early marriage is good for the girl’s health with regard to pregnancy: Scientifically, it is completely okay and normal to get pregnant before the age of 25-26. And I think this limit could very well be extended by a couple of years by healthy lifestyle during the early growth stages of the girl. So , in any case, this is not considered as a reason at all, given that it is not an issue even if a girl gets pregnant at the age of 27. And for those good hearted people out there who says that this would in turn delay subsequent pregnancies, I have two things to tell them. One: Subsequent conception is a matter to be decided by the couple and not by you. So for Gods sake, back off!! If at all, they decide to go for it they would have the intelligence and common sense to look into other alternative options like IVF. So please keep your noses out of it. Two: In the present condition of both the economy and the nation, is it really necessary to invite additional burden?
  4. Mind is raw and adaptable at early age: Seriously?? Then why are adolescents and youngsters termed as “emotionally immature” by those who call themselves “mature”, if I may know…..Maturity doesn’t come with age. Wisdom comes with age, but not maturity. Maturity is the quality of behaving mentally and emotionally like an adult. When parents force the child to get married despite the child telling them that she doesn’t want one at present and subsequently, parents “accomplish” it by huge melodrama and emotional blackmail, the child is forced to accept it without a single tantrum just to see her parents and sibling happy. Here , there looms a great confusion as to who exhibits real maturity. I stress on the word “accomplish” because many parents would be flaunting their happiness in successfully getting their girl hitched. 
  5. Young age is the age where a mind is full of ambitions and dreams of a colorful and happy life . Those aspirations for a fulfilling life will lead the way to achievements in academics,career and other allied activities. It is the age to form friendships and love people. I can hear many parents yelling, “life is not a bed of roses”…. Absolutely correct. But that fact every human being will realise in due course of time, as his life progresses. That does not warrant pushing a juvenile- being into matrimony and making them realise it early. Anything has value only when it develops over due course of time. That is long lasting. By advocating early marriages under this reason parents and confiscating the chance of the young ones to discover life, experience it and correct their mistakes. Every human being makes mistakes and by coercing them into early marriage , even a single teeny tiny mistake proves to be a very costly one and end up disastrous consequences.
  6. And if the child has the ambition of getting married early, then don’t hesitate….. He/she needs a serious counselling to set their priorities right.

Marriage is something that should come out of mutual willingness to commit. It should come out of pure maturity and confidence that one will be able to face all ups and down of life . It should never be forced on a person for any reason. Its high time we dont follow traditions and centuries old customs just for the sake of it. It is time to analyse the basis behind the origin of such customs, with respect to the current social scene and mental status and attitude of the population. 

Don’t mar the age of youngsters by initiating the institution of marriage.

India will never change on its own, we should initiate it in every little way we can……

 

-megha

 

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3 thoughts on ““mar”ri”age”????

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  1. Firstly Marriages should be their own choice instead of boasting into them. Or else the life will be of compulsion and compensation rather than comfortableness. And in more such cases relatives and neighbors play the villain role. Even if the parents think laterally, the relatives start abusing the parents. And the result is backing up the same old customs:-(.. The view that still v follow some of our customs blindly is true and a bit sad. And i hope that we have been evolving day by day though not suddenly. And probably one fine morning, we can hope the sun shines brightly.

  2. Though am not against early marriages, I am not for the kind of predisposition which people suffer from while arguing for an early marriage. Health, adaptability, carnal desires, customs etc. are some of the excuses people offer. But equating physical age with marriageable age is an equally wrong idea. Its the mental maturity and true understanding of companionship that would definitively indicate the right time to get married. But sadly, it rarely happens.

  3. I am 63 years old and just celebrated my 32nd marriage anniversary. Hence, my views on the subject may not be accepted by Genxt. I recommend the following two articles for them.
    http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-indian-women-push-back-marriage-age-1350166

    Now I coin a new term. (Love Jihad) inverse. Of late especially in the IT sector we have come across girls stalking boys, hooking them and ultimately making them “pondatty dasans”. The essential prerequisites are handsome looking,affluence,knowledge of cooking,single son of parents etc.

    I am not a male chauvinist and I strongly believe a girl has to bloom in respect of beauty,mental maturity, financial status(in case of working professionals); just like the commercial ad on TV for a beauty cream… marriage after 3 years…equal equal. Fine, then what?

    India is today strong culturally because the custom of arrange marriages has withstood the test of time. Horoscope matched couples enjoy the maximum of marriage successes and bliss because of the science involved in the process.

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