Melancholic Buzz

poem

On the smooth,straight road I walk,

Oblivious to the sounds around

Like a cloud that is untied,

With my eyes fixed on the horizon.

I think of things deep,

Run through our talks

Living in my own world

Of love and only love

Facing the world was made easy

And so was living life

I could take on an army

With you beside me

And then you went

Out of the blue

Without telling a word

With no glimpse of remorse

And here I am now

Starting things afresh

Humming a mild tune

In all melancholy

I look beside me

To stare at emptiness

I give a wry and dry smile

And take my first step

A step to discover life

A step to embrace failures

A step onto that unending path

With all my grace and all the poise

Where the path leads,

I know not

When I shall return

I shall not say

A steely resolve and

The value of life

Alone remains as

My promise to you.

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The Art of Forgiving

So you have been betrayed. Yet again.

Ah! She ditched you citing lame reasons?

That colleague of yours went behind your back and stole your credit?

You must be bubbling with anger and indignation now. You must be cursing all the Gods above and wondering why is it you always at the receiving end of things. Suicidal thoughts? Livid at everyone in front of you?? Feel like breaking and thrashing everything around you to bits??

Let me tell you. It is not unusual. Neither is it bad. You are every bit human as I am and you are justified in feeling all the above described emotions. There is nothing wrong or bad about it. It just shows you how human you are and reconfirms the fact that you are in fact made of flesh and blood.

You know what the solution to all these is? Forgiveness and acceptance.

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Before you tag me as lame and a spineless coward, let me explain it to you.

Life is an endless maze. A maze filled with mystery and probably magic that is more than what Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire had to offer us. It is beautiful and abstract. We do not know what comes the next moment, leave alone next day or month. It is so obscure yet endearing.

Life is unfair. Let’s face it. There will be many more occasions that may leave us confused as the cause or effect of that event. It will leave us baffled and befuddled. We would not know what happened and even worse, why it happened. All that we would see are the happy and jubilant faces around us. Everybody else seem so happy and content with their lives. Everything seems so perfect for them. “I am so unlucky and cursed”, we feel.

Let me tell you a truth. You are wrong. Gravely wrong. Everyone out there is fighting his own battle. Everybody has their own share of problems. They just live with it because certain things are beyond our control. It just happens that way. We just have to accept and move on. Acceptance is the key to that locked dark chamber of our heart.

Should you take revenge on those who had wronged you? You surely deserve better people in your life, don’t you? Yes. You do deserve much better. Although, revenge is not what I would advocate. Revenge poisons our mind. It wastes our precious time which otherwise could have been spent in a much loving and sweet way. Forgive!

Forgive! Not for their sake, but for yours. Forgive, for the one who forgives doesn’t lose anything but might win a heart to his side. Forgive, that would act as a bridge between the you of now and the you of tomorrow. Forgive, for it is the supreme act of kindness and compassion that the world badly needs. Forgive, not to make them feel small, but to develop yourself into a bigger and better person.

We forget that the world exists by the presence of qualities like love, forgiveness, compassion and tolerance. We, in our hurry to prove something to the world, remain oblivious to the basic traits that one needs, to live. Acceptance paves the way for our mind to forgive others which is the beginning of the Spring of the garden that we call Life.

 

Open Letter to Mom and Dad- From a 23 year old Daughter

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Dear Mom and Dad,
This is me, your Daughter.

You might wonder as to why I am writing this letter as an anonymous soul. Well, You will get to know why in a while.

The day I was born must have been one of the happiest for you. Your own child, of your blood and gene. The endurance of pain and labour that you had undergone and resulting in a fully developed baby, you both must have been overwhelmed. I should express my sincere thanks from the bottom of my heart for having chosen to raise me up. In an age and country, where a girl child is looked down as a burden for the family and as an unnecessary responsibility, you had the guts and the courage to keep me alive and nourished. Thank you very much for that.

The first few years of my existence would have been nothing but joy for you both. Dad, how many times did you cherish saying that I have got your nose and your sister’s hair? Mom, how happy were you to note that I have got your mother’s eyes and your smile? I know, It was nothing but joy.

I was raised with lots and lots of courage in me. Neither of you , by your acts or words, hurt me in a wrong way. The occasional scoldings and punishments were only for my betterment and it is not as if it took me all these years to understand that. Even back then, when I was being punished, for having misplaced a 5 rupee coin and lying about it or for having bought a pencil for myself without telling you about it, I never had any grudge for you. I just took it in the stride. I am grateful that you took great care in inculcating lots of Moral values in me from that early on. Yes, I am grateful for that.

During my troubled teenage, Mom, you were really my friend. A friend that any girl would love to have. I didn’t have to look beyond you, to share my deepest secrets. I had a firm shoulder to lean on for support. And Dad, I did not need anybody else to make me laugh and smile like you did way back then. I was content and at peace that I had your strong chest to cry on to. I was proud then, that my parents were my friends and that I had the confidence to share anything and everything with you guys. I was very , very proud of you.

Slowly growing and evolving as a woman, Mom, you shared a lot of things about womanhood and how it was for you growing up. You guys lived and proved by existence, about the rock solid foundation that is the very base of a successful marriage and relationship. You guys, in the appropriate way, taught me ( or rather talked to me) about big stuff like trust, compatibility, independence, career, responsibility etc.. I knew that I was growing up and that you were also identifying that fact.

But, slowly all that kind of vanished. I do not know how or where all these went. But , I am sure that I do not see any of those from you guys now, when I am 23. I have no clue as to what wrong I did, but all of it was gone.

I am 23 now. And now is the time I need you both as friends. Now is the time I am beginning to identify myself as an individual who is a part of the society . Now is the time I am taking steps to identify what I really like and what all I don’t. Now is the time I am tasting failure for the first time in my life in my academics and now is the time I need you both badly. But coming back , in search of you both, I am left with a huge gaping expanse of absolute silence and indifference from you. I am left as a hopeless , helpless little soul, away from home, longing for the emotional comfort and support that I badly am in need of.

You might think that being 23 , I should have been all grown up and mature by now. Mom, no. That is not the person I am. I do have grown up. I don’t deny that. But, to say that I will be able to deal with anything that comes my way all alone, I am sorry that I still am struggling. Not in a very huge scale. But deep down, I need you both to support and comfort me in these testing times.

I learnt that every individual will have their own times of failure and set-backs and that life isn’t fair from you both. But I haven’t completed learning. I am a slow learner and I humbly beg you to understand and be there for me. Not just in words but also in spirit.

I feel as if you have lost all trust on me when you ask me for my methods of expenses. You might feel that I am throwing my usual tantrum here , but I am not.

Dad, you have always told me that experience is the best teacher . Why is that you are not letting me manage my own earnings. I swear I am not spending it on anything illegal or even thrifting it on drinks and bars and pubs ( which I am sure you both do not approve of). But I do have my wishes and fancies, right? Why is it that you forget that I am your daughter and that I would go nowhere but come back to you when I am broke. Even then , I swear, I would not be asking you for money. I would be asking you for a few words of wisdom and comfort. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Why is it that , after 23 years,  you guys are distancing you from me? I don’t need your physical presence and have never ever compelled you to relocate to where I stay. All that I am asking for is your reassurance and encouragement. Is it too much on my part? If Yes, do tell me. So that I wouldn’t expect it from you.

Or is it my failure ( which is a First in my 23 years of existence) that let you guys down? Talk to me about it. Did you think that your daughter was invincible? You guys taught me that problems should be solved by dialogue and not by drastic one-sided decisions and now you seem to have forgotten it yourself.

Why is it that a simple phone call such a demanding duty for you? Why is it that I should be the one to call you and not the other way around? Is it because this is how you make yourself ready to marry me off to somebody. So that , at that point in time, all of this would be easier?? Tell me.

Even now, I wouldn’t have resorted to writing,had any of you had the patience and time to listen to me ramble on on the phone. But , you are busy with your set of problems and tension. I can totally understand that. For, everybody has their own lives to take care of. But, do spare a few minutes to ponder on this and I assure you that you won’t lose anything. Who knows, this few minutes of your time might be a blessing in disguise that helped you understand your daughter better.

I am not just the daughter who you both get to see briefly every 2-3 months. That is just one side of me. I have a lot of other sides too. I am a young girl, who lives alone, in a far off city, working diligently to excel in her chosen field. I am a daughter, who is working to make her parents proud someday , if not immediately but definitely. I am a girl, who is also prone to mood swings and is pretty much yearning for good company in the form of you.I am a girl who dreams about her own Prince Charming . I am a girl who loves shopping and experiments on food. I am a girl who would love to look beautiful.Did you know that I am a volunteer in an NGO? Did you know I have 3 blogs?  There are many more sides that I can go on and on about. But I hope you get the general idea about me.

Loneliness is bad and the worst form of loneliness is  the feeling that one gets when one is pining for somebody so far away. I might be surrounded by wonderful colleagues and room-mates but I don’t have that thing that I really NEED. And I, your daughter, hates to be lonely.

I love writing and derive true joy and satisfaction from it and that is why I chose to put these in black and white. I am not sure if I could have done a better job by talking to you, but this is what I chose to express.

Do not worry that I am going in a wrong way or some other thing like that. I won’t. Because you guys really need to trust the foundation of values and character that you have given me . But, I tell you that I am still a work -in -progress and I am sure I will be the daughter that you will be proud off, one day.

Till then, Please bear with me.

Your Daughter.

Morning Musing

love

 

On a cool Sunday morning, with the wind ruffling my hair

I stroll on the beach, looking far away.

Out in the bright,turquoise waters I see your face,

With the same charm that had set me ablaze.

That moment we met, and those memories we made

All fleet by, in seconds, in the eyes of my mind.

You made me laugh, you made me cry,

You made me walk that extra mile

Together we walked, counting the sand below our feet

Those endless musings and the hopeless dreams.

Fights, screams couldn’t do us apart,

How bad they tried, how hard they thought.

Here we are now, on that same beach

Holding hands and treading on.

Lost in each other, with smiles in our lips

For the past we had and the future we share.

Tale of different Zones

So, it is finally the weekend and I am so happy. Happy that a gruelling and sick-o-sick week came to an end. As I lazed around with my friends,chit-chatting about the most commonest (OhKay!! Yo Grammar Nazis, Don’t kill me now, yet) topic, Guys, we stumbled upon a very common situation- getting -zoned by guys.

Now, for the unenlightened people reading this post, -zoning is an activity that is done by both the sexes to each other. The “-“there can be filled in with any “relative”wala tag like Friend, sister, brother, bhai etc ( In any language, mind you!) The implied meaning being that the zoner considers the zonee as that “relative” that was substituted instead of the   “-“.

So,yes, back to our weekend ritual, we sat around dissecting and trying to get the deeper meaning of all these zones that have been thrown at us at various junctures of our lives. Disclaimer: Since I am girl, I am writing it from my point of view. If you are a male and have a problem with it, please go on ranting,like me, in your post 😀

Friend-zoned: The most common form of zone which translates to this. ” Girl, I see you are interested in me, but then I am not. I won’t be,ever.” This word must be nominated to “The most popular word of the year” award,if there was one. I say this because, this seemingly harmless word has broken thousands of hearts and thrashed even more hopes to smithereens. Sigh, So much for appearing harmless,innit? 😉

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Sister-zoned:  Ah! We do remember that single despicable activity that we have done to the boys in our school, don’t we? I do. I have had serious doubts about the existence and validity of Karma and its allied concepts until I got a taste of this. This word means that ” I consider you as my Rakhi sister and am actually interested in your hot-waali best friend. Could you be a doll and set me up with her?” Karma is omnipresent and omnipotent. Hence proved!

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Sister-in-law-zoned: This was my contribution. Of late, I am in this cycle in my life where I talk to an interesting guy. He seems very interesting and awesome and so I go on and introduce them to my girl-friends. Then they vanish off. Mysteriously! A detailed investigation would reveal that, in addition to my judgements of interesting and awesome, my girl-friends have also found them romantic. 😦 Gone there! Now I am not just the Cupid that gave them the love of their lives, I am also the sweet lil Machchini for those guys. Seriously?? *Pokerface*

Friends-with-benefits-zoned: This one I found interesting. The guy and girl starts talking ( Talking here means texting,people) . Those texts range from innocent “Hi”s to outright sleazy sexts. Oh No! They aren’t a couple. They are just really close-good-special-best friends. Would they be a couple anytime soon?? Nah, Not really. They just keep goofing around until the guy gets a new  really close-good-special-best friend.

In a world where everything goes fast, we do expect relationships to begin and stabilise fast. What we all fail to notice is that relationships take enormous time and effort to release that tiny foliage and grow up into a huge tree. That tree would give shade to many others in the form of joy and hope.

In one of my recent conversations with a friend of mine, I realised that I have turned into this female who is scared to love people. Not because they don’t deserve it from me. It is solely because of a few “Once bitten,twice shy” type experiences. Love fearlessly and get attached to people than things,was what he told me. I gave it a thought, a real good thought at that. Yes. It made sense. The ability to love is a superpower. One must exercise it unconditionally. Then, in such a situation, one would not get hurt by the disappointments. I say this for sure because disappointments arise where there are expectations. The love being unconditional, we can only grow and grow with contentment and bliss.

“Love and Trust till the very end”,he said. Either you would get a very good friend, or a very good lesson. 

Profound, Isn’t it?

The Earthy Tone

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Living her life for many years now,

Saying her prayers to the Gods up above

Each day passes by in the blink of an eye,

Unaware of the typhoon her mind is caught by.

Born as an angel and grew up as a maid,

Through the pits and slush she had to wade

The kohl-lined lashes and dark, round curls,

Dusky skin and those white lil pearls.

The jungles of the city and those wily people

Gave her a high and never a scare.

Her springy step and stunning smile,

Disarmed many , Oh! This isn’t fair.

Not one did know what she was in real,

Battered and bruised, blemished and betrayed.

Neither did she care, for she knew it all,

The people who smiled and those who flayed.

Life goes on, she thought

And never anything she sought.

Resilience was her power,

And she will never bow down ever.

With her head held high, she walked,

With all the symphony she spoke.

Never have I seen an angel before,

Ethereal beauty that made my spirits soar!

It’s her turn now ;)

“Girls shouldn’t initiate”, they said.

“Wait till he approaches you”,they said.

“You will be labelled a slut and made an outcast”, they said.

She was confused. Confused as to what to do. Does the perception of the society about her matter at all? What if the society says something and she ends up doing exactly the opposite of it? Would it have any impact in the long run? All these thoughts played havoc in her already stressed mind. She had to tell him. She had to confess how much she feels connected when she talks with him. It is a level of comfort that she felt for him. It wasn’t anything cheesy or breezy.

She had her insecurities. She was as normal as any other girl out there,yet, she was so different from all of them. She wanted him to know what she felt about them. Oh,yes! It was suddenly “them” and not “him”. She loved the sound of it. It made her feel all good and positive about it.

It wasn’t a crush at all. Of the hundred other guys on whom she had crushes on, he was not one. Heck! He was nowhere in the list. Still she took the first step to talk. Just out of curiosity and genuine interest in his thoughts and perspectives. She hadn’t known she would be in a crossroad like this. She was growing up,may be. She was starting to get feelings for him, albeit very slowly. She was scared. Once bitten twice shy,they say.

They have had long,winding conversations to look back at. Many of it meaningful, some of them flirtatious. All of it gave her happiness and a sense of completion. She badly wanted to let him know what she felt about “them”. What if he rejects? She didn’t care. Somewhere in the dark and deep corners of her heart, she was prepared for yet another rejection.

Inspite of the raging devils of self-pity and doubts in her heart, she decided to confess and get done with it. “If it works out, well and good. Else, atleast I will get some closure”,she thought. She took her phone and dialled the number. It seemed like an eternity before he answered the call.

Him: Hey! Tell me da. What’s up?

Her: Hi da. Busy? Do you have 10 minutes?

Him: Yes, sure. Whats goin on?

Her: Ummm.. Listen, I don’t know if it is the right time to tell you this. I think we are great as friends and everything is fine between us. I also know that we have discussed about the possibility of “us” and that you fear the factor of distance that seperates us right now. I also know that you still remain unconvinced about it and whatever I say it doesn’t make much sense to you. I respect that. But…

Him: Babe..Babe.. Let me stop you.. Listen..

Her: Please let me complete yaar! 

Him: Fine. Go on Senorita.

Her: But as a girl who has known you for so long and who has spent quite a lot of time with you, I do not want to miss you in my life. I realise the importance that physical proximity for you, but I promise I shall be near you once things get settled. By saying “settled”,I do not mean marriage. I mean our studies and career. I would never want to be apart from you. I want this happiness that I get when I am talking to you, forever. I want to be a part of your life and share all the happiness and sorrows that you may be blessed with. I don’t want any other girl to take that spot. 

Him: Okayyyy..??

Her: So, ummmm, will you stop overthinking and be mine forever? 

Him: Pagli female! I was always yours! 😀 And hell Yes! Forever and ever. 

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To all those empowered women out there! Let’s break all cliches and rule the world. Love is magical and profound. Go ahead and tell that special guy how much you love and adore him. He will be grateful for these small bouts of equality bestowed on the world 😉