Open Letter to Mom and Dad- From a 23 year old Daughter

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Dear Mom and Dad,
This is me, your Daughter.

You might wonder as to why I am writing this letter as an anonymous soul. Well, You will get to know why in a while.

The day I was born must have been one of the happiest for you. Your own child, of your blood and gene. The endurance of pain and labour that you had undergone and resulting in a fully developed baby, you both must have been overwhelmed. I should express my sincere thanks from the bottom of my heart for having chosen to raise me up. In an age and country, where a girl child is looked down as a burden for the family and as an unnecessary responsibility, you had the guts and the courage to keep me alive and nourished. Thank you very much for that.

The first few years of my existence would have been nothing but joy for you both. Dad, how many times did you cherish saying that I have got your nose and your sister’s hair? Mom, how happy were you to note that I have got your mother’s eyes and your smile? I know, It was nothing but joy.

I was raised with lots and lots of courage in me. Neither of you , by your acts or words, hurt me in a wrong way. The occasional scoldings and punishments were only for my betterment and it is not as if it took me all these years to understand that. Even back then, when I was being punished, for having misplaced a 5 rupee coin and lying about it or for having bought a pencil for myself without telling you about it, I never had any grudge for you. I just took it in the stride. I am grateful that you took great care in inculcating lots of Moral values in me from that early on. Yes, I am grateful for that.

During my troubled teenage, Mom, you were really my friend. A friend that any girl would love to have. I didn’t have to look beyond you, to share my deepest secrets. I had a firm shoulder to lean on for support. And Dad, I did not need anybody else to make me laugh and smile like you did way back then. I was content and at peace that I had your strong chest to cry on to. I was proud then, that my parents were my friends and that I had the confidence to share anything and everything with you guys. I was very , very proud of you.

Slowly growing and evolving as a woman, Mom, you shared a lot of things about womanhood and how it was for you growing up. You guys lived and proved by existence, about the rock solid foundation that is the very base of a successful marriage and relationship. You guys, in the appropriate way, taught me ( or rather talked to me) about big stuff like trust, compatibility, independence, career, responsibility etc.. I knew that I was growing up and that you were also identifying that fact.

But, slowly all that kind of vanished. I do not know how or where all these went. But , I am sure that I do not see any of those from you guys now, when I am 23. I have no clue as to what wrong I did, but all of it was gone.

I am 23 now. And now is the time I need you both as friends. Now is the time I am beginning to identify myself as an individual who is a part of the society . Now is the time I am taking steps to identify what I really like and what all I don’t. Now is the time I am tasting failure for the first time in my life in my academics and now is the time I need you both badly. But coming back , in search of you both, I am left with a huge gaping expanse of absolute silence and indifference from you. I am left as a hopeless , helpless little soul, away from home, longing for the emotional comfort and support that I badly am in need of.

You might think that being 23 , I should have been all grown up and mature by now. Mom, no. That is not the person I am. I do have grown up. I don’t deny that. But, to say that I will be able to deal with anything that comes my way all alone, I am sorry that I still am struggling. Not in a very huge scale. But deep down, I need you both to support and comfort me in these testing times.

I learnt that every individual will have their own times of failure and set-backs and that life isn’t fair from you both. But I haven’t completed learning. I am a slow learner and I humbly beg you to understand and be there for me. Not just in words but also in spirit.

I feel as if you have lost all trust on me when you ask me for my methods of expenses. You might feel that I am throwing my usual tantrum here , but I am not.

Dad, you have always told me that experience is the best teacher . Why is that you are not letting me manage my own earnings. I swear I am not spending it on anything illegal or even thrifting it on drinks and bars and pubs ( which I am sure you both do not approve of). But I do have my wishes and fancies, right? Why is it that you forget that I am your daughter and that I would go nowhere but come back to you when I am broke. Even then , I swear, I would not be asking you for money. I would be asking you for a few words of wisdom and comfort. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Why is it that , after 23 years,  you guys are distancing you from me? I don’t need your physical presence and have never ever compelled you to relocate to where I stay. All that I am asking for is your reassurance and encouragement. Is it too much on my part? If Yes, do tell me. So that I wouldn’t expect it from you.

Or is it my failure ( which is a First in my 23 years of existence) that let you guys down? Talk to me about it. Did you think that your daughter was invincible? You guys taught me that problems should be solved by dialogue and not by drastic one-sided decisions and now you seem to have forgotten it yourself.

Why is it that a simple phone call such a demanding duty for you? Why is it that I should be the one to call you and not the other way around? Is it because this is how you make yourself ready to marry me off to somebody. So that , at that point in time, all of this would be easier?? Tell me.

Even now, I wouldn’t have resorted to writing,had any of you had the patience and time to listen to me ramble on on the phone. But , you are busy with your set of problems and tension. I can totally understand that. For, everybody has their own lives to take care of. But, do spare a few minutes to ponder on this and I assure you that you won’t lose anything. Who knows, this few minutes of your time might be a blessing in disguise that helped you understand your daughter better.

I am not just the daughter who you both get to see briefly every 2-3 months. That is just one side of me. I have a lot of other sides too. I am a young girl, who lives alone, in a far off city, working diligently to excel in her chosen field. I am a daughter, who is working to make her parents proud someday , if not immediately but definitely. I am a girl, who is also prone to mood swings and is pretty much yearning for good company in the form of you.I am a girl who dreams about her own Prince Charming . I am a girl who loves shopping and experiments on food. I am a girl who would love to look beautiful.Did you know that I am a volunteer in an NGO? Did you know I have 3 blogs?  There are many more sides that I can go on and on about. But I hope you get the general idea about me.

Loneliness is bad and the worst form of loneliness is  the feeling that one gets when one is pining for somebody so far away. I might be surrounded by wonderful colleagues and room-mates but I don’t have that thing that I really NEED. And I, your daughter, hates to be lonely.

I love writing and derive true joy and satisfaction from it and that is why I chose to put these in black and white. I am not sure if I could have done a better job by talking to you, but this is what I chose to express.

Do not worry that I am going in a wrong way or some other thing like that. I won’t. Because you guys really need to trust the foundation of values and character that you have given me . But, I tell you that I am still a work -in -progress and I am sure I will be the daughter that you will be proud off, one day.

Till then, Please bear with me.

Your Daughter.

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12 thoughts on “Open Letter to Mom and Dad- From a 23 year old Daughter

Add yours

  1. M,
    This is a very beautiful post. Though the message appear very structured, one can easily sense the extempore emotions strongly coloring the message… Also, there a gradient to it, starting from thanks and ending with expectations… As you know well, in the Tamil literature tradition of Agam, it is customary to not mention people’s names, for the idea of love and related issues belong to everyone equally – your post is very much like that – everyone would experience these at some point of time, so, in a way, you’ve written for all the parents out there on behalf of their own daughters (and sons, albeit the minor modification required!)

    As you yourself have mentioned, parents, knowingly or unknowingly, set deadlines for their children to ‘grow up’ and handle themselves, the problem lies not in that expectation, but in the time that takes for every individual – which is not universal! You’ve wonderfully expressed that…

    I would also like to note that though the later part tends to appear a bit of negative portrayal of your parents, it IS not so… After all, you have the rights to demand this from your parents, they haven’t done anything wrong, just been ignorant – your message is intended to bring some dawn of realization!

    Finally, let me conclude by noting that we all need to save this message and read it when our own daughters or sons are 20+… Let’s hope we will…

    Thank you for a wonderful post (also for making me to dust my WP account back to existence! 🙂 )

  2. Megha I read your letter I really don’t understand why success alone should be your ultimatum. You are for what you are Don’t panic. My prayers and my loving memories are always with you. Though I am not in touch with you No day passes without you. This may be the same way with your parents. My loving child don’t doubt love it comes to you as God. Padmapriya

  3. Hey Megha! Nice post. Even though it is in the contrast of how my life was with my parents when I was 23, but it is always good to know the other side of the coin. Thank you for sharing!

  4. It’s a phase that everyone goes through. Imagine when I was 21 I was put in a location miles away from my family. Loneliness did hurt me but that was a sad part of my life. My parents did trust me but they are the ones who complete us. Won’t talking directly to them help? Wouldn’t they ask you why you wrote an open letter to them on some blog that they aren’t even aware of? After all, it’s our family and they will be with you however deep you have plunged into the ocean of melancholy. It’s they who will stay for you on the other shore with a smile on their face. The letter did upset me and I’m glad to see that there is someone like me on this planet. This reminds me of the young days. You are the best! And you definitely know this. God bless you! And do talk to them and say everything that you wanted to say to them!

    God Bless!
    ~@inGeniousty

    1. Thank you for those kind words. This was written a year back and I had told them and they have read it also. I personally felt this letter was quite nicely structured and didn’t want to lose it hence I posted here 🙂

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